Scary Time For Me

So, it's been like two weeks since I've even signed on to Blog. I have alot of catching up to do, but just don't think I am going to get around to it in the next week or two. I'M EXHAUSTED!!!

So, where have I been you ask...

About two weeks ago, my husband (estranged, but he's still mine) started complaining about a pain behind his knee. I kept telling him it was probably a pulled muscle, get over it. Well, after a week of pain, the pain spreading and increasing, he decided to go to the doctor. They immediately sent him straight to the hospital, DON'T PASS GO, DON'T COLLECT $200 DOLLARS. He had an ultrasound and was admitted into the hospital an hour away from me immediately. He had (has) a blood clot in his leg. The pain was coming from no circulation in his leg. He broke his foot about two months ago and the doctors think the trauma from that caused the clot. He was put on bed rest for eight days. Now, my question, what sense does that really make? I mean, I know why they do it, but laying in the bed - not moving around - causes clots so they put someone who has one on bed rest??? This one baffles me.

So, the day before he went into the hospital I had just gotten back from visiting my brother, sister-in-law and nephew in Raleigh (2 hours away). Tired from traveling, I had to turn around and drive an hour away to make sure G. was alright. I had to drive back that night to work the next day. Then back that night. I stayed at the hospital for a solid week, sleeping in a chair. Why don't they be more accomidating to family? Oh well, I'm not a complainer but a week of sleeping in a chair was torture. I did climb in bed with G. when I could, but that wasn't often. It's not like they let you sleep in the hospital anyways, taking vitals, blood and everything else all through the night.

Well a week later, it was time for me to make my way home. My daughter missed me and had lots of questions as she didn't know where her daddy was or why I had been gone. Back to the single mom life, taking care of Bella, working and catching up on school work. It is kicking my butt.

G. got out of the hospital yesterday (11 days in) but it will be a slow process to try to get the blood clot to absorb back into the bloodstream.

As of today, G. is 12 days sober!! He got out of the hospital yesterday afternoon and went to an AA meeting last night and another one tonight. He plans on hitting one each night! That is a good thing! And I actually enjoy being around him and talking to him now! He doesn't have the alcohol distorting his thought process. I am hopeful for him but CAN'T get my hopes up.

Needless to say I am exhausted but... I am pushing through, doing the best I can. I can't help but to feel I am being stretched thin though. G. is getting Bella this weekend and next so hopefully I will get my school work under way and catch up on sleep.

So, there you have it, that's what's been keeping me away from "my time"...

Thanks to all that have shown concern. It is comforting to know there are people out there thinking about me!

xo,
Tina

Mommy Tag

So, I got this from Dancing Queen.... I liked it so much I wanted to do one of my own. I was curious to see what my daughter would say about me....

What is something mom always says to you?
Isabella: That you love me.

What makes mommy happy?
Isabella: being nice

What makes mommy sad?
Isabella: Sad songs

How does mommy make you laugh?
Isabella: By saying silly things **nooooooooooo, not me!!!**

What was mommy like as a kid?
Isabella: You have blonde hair like me.

How old is mom?
Isabella: 26 (tha's my girl!)

How tall is mom?
Isabella: 7 feet tall

What does mommy like to do?

Isabella: do crafts with me, sometimes

What does mom do when you're not home?
Isabella: do homework

If mommy was famous, what would she be famous for?
Isabella: singing

What is mommy really good at?
Isabella: drawing and painting

What does mommy do for her job?
Isabella: Mommy

What is Mommy's favorite food?
Isabella: chicken?

What makes you proud of your mom?
Isabella: Doing things I like you to do.

If mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be?
Isabella: Dorothy from Wizard of Oz

What do you and mommy like to do together?
Isabella: smell flowers

How are you and mom the same?
Isabella: blonde hair and same eyes

How are you and mommy different?
Isabella: You have green eyes now (my eyes changed when I was 6 or 7) and I have blue eyes.

How do you know mommy loves you?
Isabella: Because EVERYONE tells me all the time!

What time do your kids wake up? 6:30am

On a good night, what time do your kids go to sleep? 8:00pm

How long have you been a mom? 5 years

How old were you when you became a mom? 22

What is your favorite kid show? Winnie the Pooh

Least favorite kid TV show? Spongebob

Favorite meal to cook? breakfast

What's the meal cooked most often? Dinner. Different things with Chicken.

What is the kids favorite meal? Chicken Nuggets

What are your favorite things that Daddy does with the kids? cuddling, anything outside, listening to her sing and watching her dance

What are 5 things that make you smile while being a mom?
1) Seeing her Smile!
2) Hugs and Kisses!
3) Watching their accomplishments, big or small!
4) Their imagination
5) Watching her do the things she loves!

Where do you want to take your kids someday? Disney, of course!

When was the last time you and your husband went out without the kids? we are separated so it's been a while )c:

One thing you said you'd never do as a mom? Get divorced from the father, some things you can't are out of your control! But I HATE it for my daughter!

Favorite past time with your kids? Going to the island on the boat, going to the movies, taking walks, doing special things that are not everyday stuff, like going to the Cirque Solei (spelling?)

Advice for a new mom: Don't rush ANYTHING! As an infant get all the holding you can in because there comes a day when they want to be independant!

When was the last time your kids said "I love you"? Just a little while ago, while swinging on the swingset.

New Layout from LeeLou!

Sooooo.... I did it!
I finally had the time. What does everyone think of the new layout. I went to LeeLou's blog and found it. It was so easy! All the thanks to her!

xo, and Happy Tuesday! Fall is here and I'm loving it!
~T

11 Things I am Thankful for! Picture This!

These are not in any particular order....

1. Girlfriends

2. Lazy days by the pool

3. Double sided Fireplace in the Fall! (not decorated yet!)

4. My little Hannah Montana! (she has the guitar, the wig, she knows the words, What am I gonna do?? ha ha)

Isabella as herself!

Isabella as Hannah Montana (I tried to upload the video of her playing the guitar and singing but it wouldn't upload )c: )

5. Ice Cream Boats! You are playing on the Island, sitting half way in the water, keeping an eye on the children when all of a sudden you here bells, lots of bells. You see a boat go by with a blow up palm tree and says Ice Cream on the side. Then the flock tramples you. The flock of kids running towards the ice cream boat! What a great idea!

6. Sunsets from the front porch

7. Days on the Island (Mason's Island)

8. Lady Bugs *they seem to follow me, they are said to be good luck. hmmm I'm not really thinking so right now. *My girlfriends bought me a ladybug tattoo for my birthday.

9. Road Trips with my Isabella

10. Wolfpack/NC State football games!

11. Last (for today) but definitely not least! Licking the left over chocolate out of the bowl after mixing up brownies. mmmm - We don't 'make brownies too often but when we do, we go all out!

Green Blogger Confused!

Ok, so this is going to be a short post as I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day. Shoot... head, feet, arms. I have run myself into the ground today. But anyways...



I am very new (I call it GREEN) to the blog world as you can probably tell. Well I am wondering how everyone gets their layouts to look so nice. Like the top where the blog name is. I want to personalize my blog a little better but haven't been able to figure it out! Can anyone help?



Excited to be blogging...



I'm hitting the bed hard tonight! Up and at 'em again tomorrow.



**Note to self: Check out Tip Junkie to see if there is anything there about this**

Today's Thoughts... I just can't shake 'em

I’m missing my best friend! I miss the man I married. Some of the things I really miss everyday since alcohol ripped the man of my dreams away from me:

• Laying in bed watching movies on Sundays
• Grilling out enough food fit for a King (he was my King)
• Being parents together
• Walks on the beach
• Watching every episode of The Crocodile Hunter (OHH KRIKEY, May he RIP)
• Cleaning house together
• Gazing at how beautiful our daughter is
• Showers – they are lonely these days
• Speaking of lonely – the bed is lonely these days as well
• Storms with him
• Sitting on the back porch talking until all hours of the night
• Swinging on our daughter’s swing set long after she went to bed
• Having someone kiss me every morning and every night
• Reminiscing about the past
• Looking towards the future
  

I could go on forever… I’m just really missing my best friend and feel lost without him. I pray for strength!

Xo,
Tina

Hopelessly In Love with a Bad Situation

November 3, 2001 I was married to the love of my life. We were so incredibly happy. We built a nice house in a family neighborhood and we were living the good life. A year later we found out we were pregnant. I absolutely loved being pregnant. It was the best feeling in the world knowing that this life was growing inside me. If I could be pregnant for the rest of my life, I think I would! Isabella was born June 23, 2003. She was perfect and from there we started our family. About a year later, I became very ill to later be diagnosed with Endometriosis. After two surgeries and a chemo like treatment we chose to have a hysterectomy. At 26 years old I was stripped of my ability to have any more children! It was very hard on me but I knew it was in the best interest of everyone involved. Since Isabella was born I was not the mother I should have been because I was in so much pain all the time and my body was attacking itself. While all of this was going on, my husband began drinking like never before. In the time I needed him most, the man of my dreams was becoming a monster! Due to his drinking he lost his job of 10 years. This is not the man I married at all. I dealt with it the best I could. I had surgery in March of 2007 and began healing. I was out of work for 8 weeks and was wrongfully terminated during that time. So, here we were, both without jobs, me still recovering from surgery and him not wanting to find work, just drink. There would be times when Isabella and I would come home and find him passed out on the garage floor with a puddle of blood from his head where he had hit his head on a table, or he would fall over the furniture. He was not a husband or a father. I decided I could not raise my daughter in this type of situation. It was the hardest decision I have ever made but I asked him to leave. I still loved (and do love) this man but have to do what is best for Isabella and I. So, May 23, 2007 (his 30th birthday), enough was enough and he left for good never to return. Now here was this man who used to adore me and his little girl that doesn’t care about anything else but drinking. Honestly, I really hoped that he would realize he needed to quit drinking and do what he needed to do and come back. It didn’t happen like that. Let me add that he went to rehab while I was sick and was sober for 60 days. I supported him 100% even going to most of his AA meetings with him. I did everything I knew to do to help him. But realized I can’t help him until he wants to help himself. Anyways, here I am over a year later and I’m still holding on to hope. Hope that he will change, hope that the man I married will come back to me. I am fooling myself and it hurts worse than anything I have ever experienced. He is a total different person. He claims to love me but I can’t help thinking “actions speak louder than words!” I can say a year and a half after my last surgery, I feel physically great. I am now the type of mother I should have been all along as far as physically being able. I know I’m all over the board here but I guess I’m writing this because last night my daughter laid in bed crying because she misses her daddy. She knows why we can’t be with him but she loves him. It breaks my heart and I’m terrified that she is going to hate me for this later on because she doesn’t know the extent of the situation. It is heartbreaking. I have fought tooth and nail for my marriage but I can’t fight it alone. I’m sure I will write more on the all of this I’m sure but my nerves are torn all to pieces and just needed to get some of this out there. I'm now thinking I need to go ahead and file for divorce and start moving on. This is so hard! Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

Hopelessly in Love with a Bad situation,
Xo,
Tina